LUNCH?

I was five months pregnant and working with three and four years old in a preschool class. I didn't see the need to announce my pregnancy to children that young and besides, the kids seemed oblivious. One day as the class was dismissing a little boy asked me why my belly was so fat. I told him that it wasn't fat, there was a baby in there! He took off like a bat out of hell without saying a word. Fortunately, his Mom was just arriving to pick him up. The next day when she brought him in he wouldn't let go of her hand and enter the classroom. His grinning Mom took me aside to explain. "He's afraid of you because he thinks you eat babies!"

THE TOUGH GUY

Years ago I taught middle school in a rough part of town. A young male teacher was assigned the very worst class of rowdy boys. He wore a plaster cast over his upper body, concealed by his shirt. He had recently had spinal surgery. On the first day of school he had the window open and his tie kept blowing around. Unfazed, he made eye contact with a streetwise kid in the front row, picked the stapler off his desk and stapled the flapping tie to his chest. Stunned silence and very few behavior problems in that class after that!

SNEEZE

I was greeted by an eager 5th grade boy. He came towards me, filled with anticipation and wanting to tell me something. As he got very close he suddenly sneezed, twice and I was covered. Ewwww. I said "Kirk, that was very impolite and also very poor hygiene. What did you get on me?" He looked very solemn as he mopped himself off and said "your nerves?"

I WANT ONE TOO!!

I was giving directions to my class of second graders. A boy in the front row turned to his classmate and said "I just love it when she gives out erections."