THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS

I was teaching "family life" and being very careful to use the correct terms. I pointed to a diagram of female breasts and before I could say a word, a loud mouth boy yelled out "I know. I know. Those are the female breasticles!"

P

My 2nd graders were learning the state capitols. "Class, can anyone tell me the capitol of Pennsylvania?" A little girl piped up "It's P!"

BABY TALK

I was teaching human development to 3rd graders. One little boy said his Mom just had a baby and she was so cute and tiny - 5 pounds. Another boy stood up and boasted that HIS MOM had a baby a few months ago and that he weighed ten pounds. "My," I commented, "that's a big boy!" He puffed out his chest and said "Yup, My Dad says you only get out of something what you put into it."

NOT WHAT I MEANT!

I teach art. My first day of school, I was busy preparing all my materials and the principal came walking in to ask if I needed anything. He was handsome, newly single and I felt like a schoolgirl around him. Anyway, he said "Anything I can do for you?" I said "Can I get felt?" There was a pregnant silence with me feeling very foolish and the color creeping up my neck. After what seemed like an eternity he said that I'd find felt squares in the supplies cabinet and then he got out of there as fast as he could. I cringe to this day when I think of it.

GLANDS

I was teaching nutrition and explaining that another reason people become overweight was because of an underactive thyroid. A little girl asked "Oh, is that why my THIGHS are so big?

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY TEACHING STORIES?

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FIRE!

The fire dept. had come to do a safety presentation to a group of 12 and 13 year old boys. The students were very interested and after the presentation they dutifully sat in a semi circle on the ground outside while the fireman pointed out the various and impressive features of the firetruck. All was well until the fireman said "Boys, I want you all to look over here at my hose." One boy leapt to his feet, his face reflected his amazement "Where's a ho? You brought a ho here for real?" he said. My face was as red as the firetruck. The fireman managed to keep a straight face.

FOOTBALL VS. HISTORY

I assigned my 8th graders a research paper that was to be written on a historical event in U.S. History, prior to WWll, that had a significant impact on our nation. As I was reading off some of the possible events I said, "The Dustbowl." In the back of the room a young man shouted out "Oh, Oh, Mrs. X! Who won the Dustbowl?"

YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY

I was subbing a special ed class of emotionally disturbed kids, when on e of them, I'll call him Brian, got up and started to wander around the room. I was told to be stern with him, and not let him wander. So, I walked over to him, and told him to sit down. He ignored me, so I got closer to him. "Sit down," I said. He stopped wandering, but didn't sit. I got closer, "Sit down," I repeated. He just looked up at me, almost daring me. I wasn't going to back down, so I got into his face, almost nose to nose, and said again very sternly, "Brian, sit down." He looked at me a moment then simply said, "Whoa, somebody needs a tic-tac." (breath mint) I nearly bit my tongue to stop from laughing.

FIELD DAY

I am a sixth grade teacher. Every year we take a field trip to a local theme park. Every year the rules are the same. There is no eating or drinking on the bus allowed. This is not to be cruel but it is only a twenty minute ride and, from experience, I know what a mess the kids can make.

All the students were lining up and I noticed Joey with a 2 Liter bottle of coke and a large bag or Oreo cookies. I reminded him "no eating or drinking on the bus." He protested that he didn't want to waste the goodies so I said "either eat them now or throw them out." He went to the back of the line and I forgot all about it. Fortunately, a volunteer parent was in charge of his group. About mid morning I was seated on a bench, close to the ferris wheel. I heard a commotion and looked up in time to see that grossness had fallen from the sky and landed on a group of tourists. As I looked up higher I saw where the cola/cookie mess had originated. Joey had vomited from the very top of the ferris wheel. I said a silent prayer that I was not assigned to his group.

HIGH TECH SOLUTION

I am a tech teacher in an elementary school. I had a class of second graders and one child was complaining that his computer was frozen. He is a really intelligent child and since I was engaged in solving another computer problem at that time, I told him to "wiggle your mouse." A few minutes later, thinking the problem had been solved I walked over to him and noted his jaw was moving frantically. "Michael?" He looked up at me, very frustrated "it's not working!" Next time I'll be sure to make sure my students hear MOUSE and not MOUTH!

GREEN ELEVEN

I used to work with a teacher who was squeamish. When a kid was sporting a runny nose, she would quietly come up to me, gagging and say "quick, green eleven, get tissue!" before running from the room.

CRAFTY KIDS

I knew a teacher who would refer to the CRAFTY ones. One day she admitted it was in reference to the students who CAN'T REMEMBER A F_____ING THING!"