SEX ED

My friend was pleased to have recently landed a job where she travels from school to school, teaching sex education. That is, until the SECOND time she ran into a student at the mall who loudly announced to his parents and all in earshot "this is Mrs. E. She is the one that taught me all about sex!"

DRESSING A CHILD

Anyone who has ever assisted a child getting dressed to go home will love this one!

Did you hear about the Montana Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enugh, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "They aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream "Why didn't you say so?" which was what she wanted to do. Once again, she struggled to help him pull off the ill-fitting boots. No sooner had they got the boots off and he said "They're my little brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now, she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

MOVIE STAR GORGEOUS

I was having a conversation with a 7 year old during our break time. He said he'd seen a really great movie over the weekend and I reminded him of one of the characters. Like an idiot I asked him which movie he had seen. Well, he said, It was Beauty and the Beast. Certain that he thought I was a dead ringer for Belle, I thanked him. "No," he continued, you remind me of the Beast!

SYMMETRY

I was demonstrating symmetry to the second graders. They weren't getting it. I put my hand over one side of my face and then the other. "See? They are the same. That is symmetry." One little boy called out "NOT! You have a zit on that side!"

OPPOSITES DON't ALWAYS ATTRACT!

My pregnant friend was trying to demonstrate the concept of opposites to a kindergarden boy. He wasn't getting it. She said "I used to be a little baby and I was YOUNG, now I'm an old lady (she got up and demonstrated an elderly person walking with a cane and bent over) and now I'm......... He hesitated and then looked up at her and said "FAT?"