THE TEACHER LOOKS LIKE A HIPPO

I was reading a fictional story to a group of second graders. The main character was a teacher who was a Hippo. We were all enjoying the story and were discussing how silly it was to have a Hippo as a teacher. We were pointing out all the silly parts, such as rodent students, vegetable vehicles. To wrap it all up I said, foolishly, "AND WE ALL KNOW THAT TEACHERS DON'T LOOK LIKE HIPPOS." One little boy said "well actually, you do kind of look like that Hippo. You have a round belly just like her." He must have recognized the alarm on my face because he went on to say (making it worse!) "But, that's o.k., I'm chubby too. I also have a big hippo belly and you can do sit-ups to get rid of it. I resisted the urge to choke him and just thanked him for his comments.

DADDY IS A GAS

All the first grade children were sitting on the floor at my feet. I was in the rocking chair, having just completed reading a story. I asked if there were any questions and a little boy raised his hand. When I called on him he asked "Why does my Dad fart so much?" That was three years ago and I frequently see the Dad when he comes to pick up his son and it always brings that question to mind. Maybe I should ask him?

WAS MY FACE RED!

I was a new teacher. It was time for parent conferences and one child's Dad had arrived. We were chatting and waiting for his wife to arrive and he was jotting down notes. He looked at me, extended his open hand and said "do you have a rubber?" I could feel my face burning and he was looking at me like I was the one from another planet. Fortunately, his wife entered at this moment and he repeated "Do you have a rubber?" She handed him an eraser and smiled at me and said "He's Canadian. They call erasers rubbers. One of these days he is going to make a fool of himself."

SAY WHAT?

I was subbing in an 8th grade classroom. One of the students was a recent immigrant from Germany. The teacher said he did pretty well with the English language and was not shy about answering questions. We were discussing a current event and i asked him if he had a reaction. He rose his hand and stood up and in a clear, deep voice said "Miss,I have an ERECTION."

FOR MOM'S PROTECTION

Per my assistant principal, a parent was required to spend the day in my clasroom to observe her childs behavior. On this particular day, one of the activities offered was the opportunity to refine a building skill. The activity consisted of a board drilled with holes, different types of screws, and several screwdrivers from which to select. My kindergartners know that goggles are required to protect their eyes in all science center activities using tools. This child picked this activity and begged his mom to join him. After watching him for a few minutes, she reluctantly picked up a screwdriver. Stopping her, he picked up a pair of goggles, handed them to her and said, "Mom, always use protection when you screw!"

PEARLY YELLOWS

TK writes:

We were talking about colors in kindergarten - what is white? One student replied "teeth are white." Another student piped up with "not yours, Miss K, yours are yellow."

DOUBLE TROUBLE

Our principal had just announced to the fifth graders that she was pregnant with twins. A hand shot up and one of the boys asked "Does that mean you had sex twice?" She changed the subject.

TRUTH OR DARE

I have taught Kindergarten for the past 8 years and have found that 5 and 6 year olds tell ALL and speak the TRUTH. Lask week, one of my vry bright and social students was inviting classmates over to his house, telling all to come over as soon as school was out. I told him he had better ask his Mom before inviting all his friends over. He then asked what I was doing that night and did I want to come over too. I told him that I was very busy in the evening and had lots to do and probably wouldn't be able to come, maybe another time. He then begged, "PLEASE, we have LOTS of beer!"

THEMS THE BRAKES

One day I was sitting at a table with several 4 and 5 year olds. We were doing a project and talking. I asked them if any of their moms ever said "don't make me stop this car!" One child responded that, yes his mother had. I asked him what happens when she says that. He said "we go like this" and acted out a sudden jerking motion, demonstrating being restrained by a seatbelt as brakes are suddenly applied. It was quite funny!

COLONIAL DAYS ARE THE PITS

It was Colonial Day in our fourth grade class. I had evenly distributed the raffia for the heads of the corn husk dolls. One boy insisted that he needed more. I asked him why he needed more since his corn husk doll had a full head of hair. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said "for his armpits!"

I LOVE MY TEACHER

It was Valentines Day. The cafeteria was serving heart shaped pretzels as a treat for the elementary aged children. One little boy, Andrew, was very fond of me and told me every day that he loved me. He was constantly writing me notes and telling me he loved me. He was six and in the first grade. I joined most of the class in the crowded cafeteria while Andrew lingered behind to pick out a pretzel. Many parents and facilty were joining their childred for lunch that day. Andrew needed to work on his enunciation. This became crystal clear to me when I heard him gleefully yell, clear across the cafeteria "Mrs. Jones, LOOK, I HAVE A HARD ON FOR YOU!" He had proudly placed the heart shaped pretzel over his own heart in a gesture of affection. The parents and facilty howled. I turned Valentine RED!

BEAR WAX?

I work with preschool age children and one day we were making "bear ears." The ears were brown with pink insides. One of the children asked me if the pink stuff was wax!

EARNING ONES STRIPES

I had a cute little boy in my first grade class. One day he was grinning sweetly at me and when I met his gaze he said "You are beautiful. You look just like my Mommy." I replied "why thank you Bobby." He went on to say "Yeah, she has those gray stripes on her head too."

DEAR OLD GRANDAD

Teachermom in Virginia writes:

I remember a particular student who suffered from a brain tumor that affected the impulse control part of his brain. Needless to say, he spoke his mind and had no control over what came out of his mouth.

One day I had heard that his family had moved out of his Grandads home. I walked up to him and put my arm around his shoulder, anticipating tears. I said " I know you must be sad that your family moved out of Grandads. I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry." He hesitated and then said " Oh, him! Nah, he's a rotten, dirty old man!" Oh, the things kids say!

WHEN IN ROME......

The second graders were lining up outside their classroom. I was paying particular attention to a cute little boy. I knew his family had moved from Korea just weeks earlier and that he didn't speak English. On this day, he was his usual smiling self. His teacher had told me that he only knew a few words of English but that he was an endearing child and all the kids liked him. As I was looking, he plucked a green slug from his nose, held it up, triumphant and gleefully announced "KOREAN BOOGER."

ON A FIRST NAME BASIS

I will call myself Margaret Brown. I wear a name badge wtih my name and photo when at work. One day, soon after the children arrived, one little boy with red hair started calling out and waving his arm around "Ms. Brown, Ms. Brown" I continued to ignore his calling out as he persisted in calling my name. Suddenly, he stopped. Good, I thought. Smugly, I turned to write on the board as he called out "Damn it, Margaret!"

The Real Reason Giraffes Have Long Necks

We were studying animals from Africa in the second grade. There was a discussion about giraffes and a child raised his hand and asked "why do giraffes have long necks?" I started to explain how their long necks enabled them to get leaves from the tops of the trees etc. when another child raised his hand, waving it around, desperate to be called on. "Yes Alan" I said. He stood up and said "No, the reason giraffes have long necks is that their feet stink!"

SOMETIMES IT JUST AIN'T WHAT YA THINK

I was laughing at your "F" word story and it reminded me of what I heard the other day. Two teachers were talking when a 2nd grade boy came running over. "Teacher, teacher, Joey said a bad word." They looked at each other and one of the teachers bent down and asked "What did the word start with?" He looked up and said "C." The two women exchanged uneasy glances. The child looked confused at their uneasiness and said "He said CRUD."

The "F" WORD

I was talking to one of my students during our break time. He told me that he had been grounded for the weekend for calling his Mom the "F word." I was shocked. He was such a nice little kid. I wasn't sure that I'd heard correctly and asked him "You called her the "F" word?" He said "Yeah, FAT, and was she ever mad!"