HO HO HO

I was working as a long term sub with a very refined, older teacher. She was close to retirement. It bugged me that she would refer to kids as that "elf" Johnny or that "elf" Susie, etc. On my last day I said to her "I am curious why you call the students elf this or elf that. "Ahhh" she said, with a twinkle in her eye. "ELF stands for EVIL LITTLE F___CKER!"

A CHRISTMAS STORY

I am Catholic but work at a jewish school as a P.E. teacher. One day a first grader asked me why I didn't wear a yarmulke. "I'm not jewish", I replied. "Oh, you must be Christmas" was his knowing response.

THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

I had a very disorganized 3rd grader in my class last year. I sent home two written reminders and finally called and left a message on the voice mail at home to please send in the permission slip for the field trip. The next day I got a scrawled note "sorry, can't find the permission slip but I do give permission for my son to attend, etc......" It was written on the back of the permission slip I'd sent home!

GLASSES

I was preparing to read my first grade class "The Speckled Hen." Before beginning I asked if anyone could tell me what "speckled" meant. "It means he wears glasses!" said a little girl in the back.