PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Our new kindergarden student was from the south. This became evident when we said our morning "Pledge of Allegiance." Luke stood, hand over heart and solemly recited the pledge, finishing up with "and liberty and justice for YA'LL."

PUCKER UP!

JR in Ohio writes:
Several years ago I heard a funny story that took place in a middle school. The janitor was getting really annoyed because each evening he had to clean off the bathroom mirrors where the middle school girls had been putting on various long lasting (ie hard to remove!)lipstick and then pressing their lips on the mirror to leave lip marks. He and the principal got together and cmae up with a plan. They called all the middle school girls together and pointed out the lip marks on the mirror. The janitor then demonstrated how difficult the mirrors were to clean. With the girls watching, he plunged the sponge into a toilet and proceeded to clean the mirror with the toilet water. Needless to say, that took care of the lipstick on the mirror problem!

A NEW RELIGION

A friend was discussing various religions with her class of third graders. Children raised their hands with with Catholicism, Judiasm, Muslim etc. One little girl piped up with "Don't forget LESBIANISM!"

DO YOU HAVE ANY CLASSROOM CLASSICS?

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ltf

GEOGRAPHY LESSON

My friends four year old son has recently become very interested in the difference between boys and girls. His parents always use the correct terms for private parts. He was having a conversation with his preschool teacher about China. "That's funny!" he said. "There's a place called China and girls have a china too!"

I JUST WANNA BE BOB

I had told the first graders that they could have free time as soon as they wrote their names on the tops of their papers. After a minute one little boy threw his arms up in despair and let out a wail. "What IS IT?" I asked him. This poor kid had a greek name and it had 23 letters in it. "WHY?", he wailed, couldn't I have just been Bob?"

SCRATCH OUT MY EYES! MENTAL PICTURE!

My second grade student, a little boy, got dropped off at the school one morning as I was pulling up. Later, I commented to the child "Bobby, you look just like your Daddy only, of course, he is bigger!" He smiled and said "yeah,and his penis is like mine too only his is waaaay bigger!"

MOMMY'S THONG

The way it started was so innocent. I asked the Kindergarten boy to describe what he liked to do in the winter, and draw a picture. He said he loved to play in the snow with his Mommy and sometimes they got all wet and had to go inside and change clothes. He went on to say "Can you please help me draw my Mommy's underwear?" I told him that he could just draw her with her snow clothes on. He went on to say "It's hard to draw her underwear because it has a string up the middle and her big old butt on both sides."

GOLDILOCKS AND THE HOT CHEEKS

I had rehearsed the puppet show with the second graders. All the children knew their lines and were putting on a show for classmates. The little boy who played "Pappa Bear" popped up right on cue. "Hey Goldilocks", he adlibbed, "you can keep your hot cheeks in my bed any old time!"

A LITTLE PROBLEM

I was almost at work when I realized I'd forgotten my deodorant. I debated returning home but didn't have time. I comforted myself with the thought that my class of 6, 7 and 8 year olds wouldn't notice. It was winter and I was wearing a thick sweater in the chilly classroom. I talked myself into thinking it would be fine. At the beginning of the day I leaned over a six year old first grade girl. She looked up at me earnestly and said "You don't smell good a little."

WHO NOSE WHERE JOHNNY IS?

This from England....

I was taking roll call and noticed that 6 year old Johnny was absent. "He's out getting a nose job", his six year old classmate volunteered. I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

BUFF BOY

It was early June and very hot and steamy. When six year old Zack came sauntering in wearing three shirts I asked him why. "Well," he confided "I wanted the chicks to think I've been working out."